Many people think of the reference of the “Ball n’ Chain” as referring to the wife; “The ol’ Ball ‘n Chain.” At least that’s how I think about it; not a very flattering analogy. (Accurate?) I was at work today, doing my computer work that I’ve been doing for 25 years, and found myself a little lost in my predicament. Having done my job for so long, I’m afforded the ability to work and “think” at the same time. Sometimes a very bad combination. What did Adrienne Monk used to say, “It’s a blessing and a curse.” Anyway, as I thought about my life, and the kinetic energy that seems to pull me along whether I want it to or not, I couldn’t help but think about the amount of energy that I have to expend to get from day to day. It didn’t use to take so much to get to the next day. Now, that amount of energy to grasp the next morning and pull myself up to meet it is overwhelming. Why the difference?
“What is that around my ankle?”
The “Ball and Chain.” Not referring to the nagging wife who won’t let me “chill with my buds” on the weekend, but referring to the weight of betrayal, of loss, and of anger and resentment that still seem to effect me. This is the burden that I carry with me everyday. I’m not sure I realized that until these last few days when I felt like I was slogging through wet concrete in every facet of my life. I’m pulling at a weight, like an anchor, that is permanently affixed to my life that I must drag behind me for some undetermined amount of time. Many people reading this might say, “You don’t have to drag that with you; let it go!” If it were only that easy. I’d have no reason to tap out a blog; hoping to help or be help by someone walking the same path. So, we share our burdens; whether it’s a “Ball and Chain” or an anchor, or a feeling that seems to taint our freedom. That is the key; sharing the burden with guys who know and understand. Please, men, share with someone.
Does it get easier? God, I hope so….